Lancaster Central Market
The country's oldest farmer's market! That doesn't necessarily mean the country's oldest produce, but, it COULD mean the country's oldest farmers! (Do not test farmers for ripeness). You probably won't need produce at a wedding. But they sell doughnuts! Bacon doughnuts (for some reason). Go get a bacon doughnut. You're on vacation.
Lancaster Brewing Company - Because good beer is good.
Lancaster is becoming quite the foodie destination. Because there is not much else to do. So eat, drink, and think about the decisions that led you here! Also, try the Hop Hog. Its the groom's second favorite IPA, and it has a wild hog on the label, which is something the groom would like to shoot. (Seriously though - this is a very well regarded brew pub, with great beer, right in downtown Lancaster).
The Fridge
Fancy Pizza and fancier beer within walking distance of the Lancaster Arts. This - this seems like a good idea. I don't even have any smart ass comments. Who mocks pizza? Terrible people is who.
Rachel's Creperie
A crepe is failed pancake. To make up for it not being a pancake, people fill it with nutella and whipped cream and pretend it is diet-friendly. This seems smart! Crepes are also fancy, because they are French. Just don't order in French. We're in Pennsylvania here. They'll call Homeland Security.
POUR
Pour is a "dining concept." This indicates they have a marketing director. They also, however, have farm-fresh food and "libations" which google tells me means "cocktails for hipsters". It seems sort of a tapas-joint with couches and charcuterie and fancy cheeses that require historical explanations. Go have fancy cheese!
Thistle Finch Distillery - Free Samples!
Only a short walk from dowtown, this distillery offers tours, free samples, fancy cocktails, and a quiet place to get embarassingly inebriated. Its in an re-purposed tobacco warehouse, just like the Lancaster Arts! Apparently, a lot of abandoned tobacco warehouses in Lancaster. Quitters.
Wine Tasting
Pennsylvania's only California wine tasting room. Enjoy a taste of someplace better.
Wolves! (seriously - Wolves.)
You can go look at wolves in a nearby wolf sanctuary. I have nothing snide to say about this. Wolves are cool. Sanctuaries are cool. They have a full-moon tour so you can listen to them howling, in the dark, on a self-directed tour. What is cooler than that? Maybe Miles Davis riding a polar bear. Thats it. The Bride and Groom are currently debating whether some wolves should be rented for the ceremony. Related - please wear comfortable shoes.
Outlets - Like Delaware, but with more beards
Go buy slightly irregular pants! At somewhat lower than average prices! Are you a size XS? XXXXL? Do you have a third arm in the center of your chest? WE HAVE A SHIRT FOR YOU!
Buggy Rides!
Pretend you're a member of America's most populous cult! Experience the country side in a spectacularly inefficent means of travel! Maybe get some horse poop on your shoes! (This provider selected randomly. Judging by the listings, a large part of the revenue for residents of Lancaster County comes from providing horse-based transportation services. Do your part to fund the weird beard farms - rent a buggy, and remember why we don't travel in buggies).
Ride in a Basket, Like Some Sort of Failure Bird!
Did you ever see a kitten in a basket, and wish you could be that cute? And also that the basket could fly? You may have a mental disease or defect! But, while waiting for diagnosis, you can try hot air ballooning. In involves getting in a wicker basket, and soaring thousands of feet in the air, with no control of where you are going! It sounds perfect for you! Have a great time! Make sure your affairs are in order!
Are You Not Entertained?
If you're reading this list and thinking "Sigh - I wish there were more things listed, google is so hard to use" - Thats OK! We'll make it easier. Click on the link to be connected to Fodor's travel guide to Lancaster County and the surrounding areas. There are lots, lots more things to see and do - all just a click away. And also an hour and a half drive. Or a cross country flight. Whichever.